| CURE FOR A TROUBLED MARRIAGE |
One of the things that has brought deep hurt and reproach to many of God’s people is the
break-up of their marriages. It has also brought great reproach and shame to the Lord’s
church, thus weakening its influence and effectiveness in its work and witnessing for Christ.
Not only has the break-up of marriages hurt Christians, but non-christians as well. Not only
has it hurt the church, but it has hurt the nation as well. In America the divorce rate is a little
more than 50% as of 1995.
Only God knows how far-reaching the hurt, harm, and shame that divorce brings to the
husband, the wife, the children, the church, and the nation in which we live. It brings great
reproach on the Lord Jesus, and gives the unbeliever cause to blaspheme His name. As
God’s people, we must do all that we can to prevent and avoid the break-up of our
marriages.
As with all sin, thanks to the power of the precious blood of Jesus Christ, God will forgive
the repentant believer of this great sin, and will restore to full fellowship and communion
with Him. “This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto
you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have
fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: But if we
walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the
blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin,
we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful
and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (I John 1:
5-9). But we should remember that, even though we can be forgiven and restored to
fellowship, we must reap what we have sown. “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for
whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh
shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit
reap life everlasting.” (Galatians 6:7-8). King David experienced this same principle for
the great sin he committed with Bathsheba. God forgave him, but the sword never left his
house; that is, David reaped what he had sown as the consequences and influences of his
sin affected the rest of his life (II Samuel 12:1-10). Therefore we should never take this
matter of divorce lightly, and many do today.
It is not the purpose of this lesson to deal with divorce itself, but to deal with the prevention
of separation and divorce. When Christians are having problems with their marriage, it’s
because there is sin and disobedience to the Word of God. If both, husband and wife, are
obeying the Word of God, there will be no unhappiness or break-up in their marriage.
(James 1:22-25).
Neither does this lesson deal with the specific problems in a troubled marriage. As a pastor,
I do not counsel people. Advice is cheap, and I don’t know the motive, heart, nor the
honesty of the people to be counseled. How then can I give advice in such matters. That
work belongs to our Lord. Nothing is hid from Him. As a preacher of the gospel, I must go
to the Word of God in my own marriage and personal problems. So I will give you some
Bible facts concerning marriage in the sight of God. It will be the Bible that counsels you,
and it will be up to you either to accept it or reject it. This matter is between you and God.
Now let us consider the following steps that, if followed by both husband and wife, will
guarantee no separation and divorce, and will heal, strengthen and bring great joy to every
marriage. Open your Bible and read the passages of Scripture for yourself. Let the Lord
speak to you through it. I will have very few comments. I want you to make your decisions
based on the Word of God and not man.
STEP 1
You must determine first and foremost to obey the Bible. (Psalms 119:105-106)
The Bible is our guide, not the marriage counselor, not the preacher, not our friends. We
must determine to do what the Bible says, even if it’s not what we want within ourselves. If
you don’t want to go by the Bible, you have already lost the victory. The road ahead will be
a dark and costly road for you. It will be a price you don’t want to pay. So decide together
right now to obey God’s Word, no matter how strong it goes against what you want.
STEP 2
Remember the greatest commandment of God. (Matthew 22:37-40)
This is the starting point for all our obedience. When we determine to love God with all our
heart, obedience becomes a natural thing for us. Loving God as He commands will open
rivers of grace, mercy and strength from Him. If we love God as we should, we will not
want to sin against Him, but will want to obey and serve Him.
STEP 3
Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and pray. (I Peter 5:6-7; Hebrews 4:
14-16)
A proud heart cannot be blessed of God, nor receive any Biblical instruction from His
Word. We must humble ourselves. Obeying the command to love God with all our heart,
and our neighbor as ourselves, will help us to be humble. We cannot come before the
throne of grace with pride. But with a humble heart, we can come boldly (without fear, and
with confidence) to find grace to help in the time of need. Every marriage needs the benefit
and blessing of prayer. No marriage problem can be solved as long as pride is ruling the
heart.
STEP 4
Understand and accept God’s Christian order. (I Corinthians 11:3)
This order is very important in obedience to the will of God for every aspect of our lives. It
affects our marriage life, our church life, and our social life. Notice the Christian order, the
Head of Christ is God, the head of man is Christ, and the head of woman is man. Let us
consider this from the beginning.
The fall into sin resulted in the woman being placed under subjection to the man. This does
not mean that she is to be a slave to man, but she is still a help meet (helper) of man. This
subjection is for this life only, not in the kingdom of God. There will be no marriages in the
resurrection (Matthew 22:30). There is neither male nor female in Christ (Galatians 3:28),
but there are male and female in the local church here in this life. That is why the Christian
order is given. But when we get to heaven we will all be the bride of Christ because we are
“one in Him.” But until that time, woman is to be in subjection to man, not as a slave, but as
a helper to man under his headship.
STEP 5
Keep your wedding covenant, or wedding vows. (Malachi 2:13-16)
Notice that God mentions the “wife of thy covenant,” and that he made them “one.” The
covenant is the vows that a man and woman make to one another before God. The
submission of their wills to be married, and making their covenant before God establishes
the marriage in the sight of God. Remember that God holds you accountable for the
covenant you made. Remember your wedding vows to “love and cherish him/her, to
honor and sustain him/her, in sickness, in health, in poverty as in wealth, in the bad
that may darken your days, in the good that may light your ways, and to be true to
him/her in all things until death shall part you."
STEP 6
Know and understand the responsibility of the husband.
The wife who is loved by her husband as Christ loved the church and died for it, is a happy
woman. She will not be treated as a slave. She will be honored, respected, protected and
cared for by her husband. She will not feel less than the man, but will be as “one” with him.
STEP 7
Know and understand the responsibility of the wife.
The wife is to submit to her husband according as the Bible teaches. She is not to be
considered less than her husband. He is not to rule over her as a master over a slave, but as
her loving companion. His rule is to be the head over their household, and to rule as the
Bible instructs him. He is not to demand her to do his every bidding to satisfy his selfish
desires.
STEP 8
Know and understand what the Bible says about divorce.
A husband should understand that his wife, in her womanhood, has some physical and
psychological problems which he doesn’t encounter. It is only in this sense that the woman
is “the weaker vessel.” The husband must honor his wife as his equal and take the
leadership in the home that he might strengthen, help, support and protect her. The husband’
s rulership is leadership, not domination.
The wife is, through her prayers and conduct, to be a spiritual help to her husband. Christian
husbands and wives should pray together regularly and if they do, they will keep their
relationship free from strife and bitterness.
If you are not obeying Biblical instructions, and your marriage is in trouble, then fall on your
knees and confess your sins and failings, and ask God to help you to learn to love and
enrich each other’s lives. The Lord stands ready to help you if you will honestly seek His
counsel in His Word, and obey it. It will be a great blessing to you and all concerned.
break-up of their marriages. It has also brought great reproach and shame to the Lord’s
church, thus weakening its influence and effectiveness in its work and witnessing for Christ.
Not only has the break-up of marriages hurt Christians, but non-christians as well. Not only
has it hurt the church, but it has hurt the nation as well. In America the divorce rate is a little
more than 50% as of 1995.
Only God knows how far-reaching the hurt, harm, and shame that divorce brings to the
husband, the wife, the children, the church, and the nation in which we live. It brings great
reproach on the Lord Jesus, and gives the unbeliever cause to blaspheme His name. As
God’s people, we must do all that we can to prevent and avoid the break-up of our
marriages.
As with all sin, thanks to the power of the precious blood of Jesus Christ, God will forgive
the repentant believer of this great sin, and will restore to full fellowship and communion
with Him. “This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto
you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have
fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: But if we
walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the
blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin,
we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful
and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (I John 1:
5-9). But we should remember that, even though we can be forgiven and restored to
fellowship, we must reap what we have sown. “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for
whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh
shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit
reap life everlasting.” (Galatians 6:7-8). King David experienced this same principle for
the great sin he committed with Bathsheba. God forgave him, but the sword never left his
house; that is, David reaped what he had sown as the consequences and influences of his
sin affected the rest of his life (II Samuel 12:1-10). Therefore we should never take this
matter of divorce lightly, and many do today.
It is not the purpose of this lesson to deal with divorce itself, but to deal with the prevention
of separation and divorce. When Christians are having problems with their marriage, it’s
because there is sin and disobedience to the Word of God. If both, husband and wife, are
obeying the Word of God, there will be no unhappiness or break-up in their marriage.
(James 1:22-25).
Neither does this lesson deal with the specific problems in a troubled marriage. As a pastor,
I do not counsel people. Advice is cheap, and I don’t know the motive, heart, nor the
honesty of the people to be counseled. How then can I give advice in such matters. That
work belongs to our Lord. Nothing is hid from Him. As a preacher of the gospel, I must go
to the Word of God in my own marriage and personal problems. So I will give you some
Bible facts concerning marriage in the sight of God. It will be the Bible that counsels you,
and it will be up to you either to accept it or reject it. This matter is between you and God.
Now let us consider the following steps that, if followed by both husband and wife, will
guarantee no separation and divorce, and will heal, strengthen and bring great joy to every
marriage. Open your Bible and read the passages of Scripture for yourself. Let the Lord
speak to you through it. I will have very few comments. I want you to make your decisions
based on the Word of God and not man.
STEP 1
You must determine first and foremost to obey the Bible. (Psalms 119:105-106)
The Bible is our guide, not the marriage counselor, not the preacher, not our friends. We
must determine to do what the Bible says, even if it’s not what we want within ourselves. If
you don’t want to go by the Bible, you have already lost the victory. The road ahead will be
a dark and costly road for you. It will be a price you don’t want to pay. So decide together
right now to obey God’s Word, no matter how strong it goes against what you want.
STEP 2
Remember the greatest commandment of God. (Matthew 22:37-40)
This is the starting point for all our obedience. When we determine to love God with all our
heart, obedience becomes a natural thing for us. Loving God as He commands will open
rivers of grace, mercy and strength from Him. If we love God as we should, we will not
want to sin against Him, but will want to obey and serve Him.
STEP 3
Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and pray. (I Peter 5:6-7; Hebrews 4:
14-16)
A proud heart cannot be blessed of God, nor receive any Biblical instruction from His
Word. We must humble ourselves. Obeying the command to love God with all our heart,
and our neighbor as ourselves, will help us to be humble. We cannot come before the
throne of grace with pride. But with a humble heart, we can come boldly (without fear, and
with confidence) to find grace to help in the time of need. Every marriage needs the benefit
and blessing of prayer. No marriage problem can be solved as long as pride is ruling the
heart.
STEP 4
Understand and accept God’s Christian order. (I Corinthians 11:3)
This order is very important in obedience to the will of God for every aspect of our lives. It
affects our marriage life, our church life, and our social life. Notice the Christian order, the
Head of Christ is God, the head of man is Christ, and the head of woman is man. Let us
consider this from the beginning.
- The origin of man (Genesis 1:26)
- The origin of woman (Genesis 2:18-22)
- The husband and wife relationship (Genesis 2:23-25)
- The result of the fall in sin:
- On Satan (Genesis 3:14-15)
- On the Woman (Genesis 3:16)
- On the Man (Genesis 3:17-19)
The fall into sin resulted in the woman being placed under subjection to the man. This does
not mean that she is to be a slave to man, but she is still a help meet (helper) of man. This
subjection is for this life only, not in the kingdom of God. There will be no marriages in the
resurrection (Matthew 22:30). There is neither male nor female in Christ (Galatians 3:28),
but there are male and female in the local church here in this life. That is why the Christian
order is given. But when we get to heaven we will all be the bride of Christ because we are
“one in Him.” But until that time, woman is to be in subjection to man, not as a slave, but as
a helper to man under his headship.
STEP 5
Keep your wedding covenant, or wedding vows. (Malachi 2:13-16)
Notice that God mentions the “wife of thy covenant,” and that he made them “one.” The
covenant is the vows that a man and woman make to one another before God. The
submission of their wills to be married, and making their covenant before God establishes
the marriage in the sight of God. Remember that God holds you accountable for the
covenant you made. Remember your wedding vows to “love and cherish him/her, to
honor and sustain him/her, in sickness, in health, in poverty as in wealth, in the bad
that may darken your days, in the good that may light your ways, and to be true to
him/her in all things until death shall part you."
STEP 6
Know and understand the responsibility of the husband.
- Love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25)
- Honor and protect his wife (I Peter 3:7)
The wife who is loved by her husband as Christ loved the church and died for it, is a happy
woman. She will not be treated as a slave. She will be honored, respected, protected and
cared for by her husband. She will not feel less than the man, but will be as “one” with him.
STEP 7
Know and understand the responsibility of the wife.
- Submission to her husband (Ephesians 5:22)
- Love her husband (Titus 2:4)
- Be obedient to her husband (Titus 2:5)
- Be a spiritual wife (I Peter 3:1-4)
The wife is to submit to her husband according as the Bible teaches. She is not to be
considered less than her husband. He is not to rule over her as a master over a slave, but as
her loving companion. His rule is to be the head over their household, and to rule as the
Bible instructs him. He is not to demand her to do his every bidding to satisfy his selfish
desires.
STEP 8
Know and understand what the Bible says about divorce.
- God hates divorce (Malachi 2:15-16)
- Only ground for divorce (Matthew 19:8-19)
- If Christians separate, they are not to remarry (I Corinthians 7:10-11)
A husband should understand that his wife, in her womanhood, has some physical and
psychological problems which he doesn’t encounter. It is only in this sense that the woman
is “the weaker vessel.” The husband must honor his wife as his equal and take the
leadership in the home that he might strengthen, help, support and protect her. The husband’
s rulership is leadership, not domination.
The wife is, through her prayers and conduct, to be a spiritual help to her husband. Christian
husbands and wives should pray together regularly and if they do, they will keep their
relationship free from strife and bitterness.
If you are not obeying Biblical instructions, and your marriage is in trouble, then fall on your
knees and confess your sins and failings, and ask God to help you to learn to love and
enrich each other’s lives. The Lord stands ready to help you if you will honestly seek His
counsel in His Word, and obey it. It will be a great blessing to you and all concerned.
Blessed Hope
A Continuing Ministry of Milford Cecil
A Continuing Ministry of Milford Cecil
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